Setting Limits with Friends A)All relationships need limits whether they are friendships, sibling relations, mates/lovers, business relations, etc. On some level, all limit setting means saying no. If you have long-term feelings of resentment (怨恨), anger, manipulation (操纵), being treated as unimportant, etc., you probably need to set some limits in your relationship. There are five steps to limit setting: B)You will tolerate a difficult relationship situation just as long as you choose to tolerate it. You are the one choosing to set boundaries (界线) in place. C) It often takes some real soul-searching on your part to figure out the source of your anger or resentment. D)Think about the entire situation. Consider your time, emotions, and means. Then consider whether you are helping the other person or merely allowing them to avoid or postpone his/her own problem solving. Aim to do something to help the other person without taking on the whole problem. E)For example, you say to your friend, “I will loan you up to 125.00 of his/her 200.00 more. You say no. He/she gets emotional and then says, “Well just loan me the $125.00 again. I need this money to cover a bad check. If you cared for our friendship, you would do it.” Again, you say no, not because you don’t care for him/her but because you do. You are forcing your friend to detach him/herself from dependence on you because you care. G)Limit setting is difficult because people mistake it for rejection. However, limits mean that you care enough not to get entangled (缠住) in your friend, lover, sibling’s problems; you care enough not to take care of him/her. _______ 1.  Stick to your limits. _______ 2.  Choose to set limits. _______ 3.  Express the limits clearly. _______ 4.  Decide where to set the limits. _______ 5.  Identify the source of your feelings. _______ 6.  To set limits with your friends is simply to say no to them. _______ 7.  From a loan to a home stay, the limits with friends are to be set specific. _______ 8.  To care enough not to take care of your friend is to care for his/her independence. _______ 9.  Just because they are your friends does not mean you do not need to set limits with them. _______ 10.  When you say no to your friend, you are actually trying to reject his/her dependence on you.